That's Amateur Hour

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Do Cry for Me Argentina

It won’t be easy, you’ll think it strange … if I even try to explain how a local CBS station mistook Colombia for Argentina during its coverage of the new Pope.

Now, U.S. networks are no strangers to geography gaffes (former CNN anchor Rick Sanchez is notorious). But you figure someone on the CBS production team would know better, particularly on a channel that reaches a high number of Latinos.

The new, Argentinian Pope took the name ”St. Francis of Assisi” in large part because of his work for the poor. Perhaps his first order of business should be to help those with a poor sense of place locate his homeland.

So while it may not be of biblical proportions, this mistake ranks right up there on the amateur-hour scale. And even an “ordinary, unimportant, and undeserving” Evita would cry.

- Paulo Molina, thatsamateurhour.com

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View To A Kill

I often come across products that prompt me to sigh and think, “Only in Miami!” Such was the case when I was recently exposed to Car Lashes while flipping through the pages of “SkyMall” on a flight to, you guessed it, Miami.

This automotive beauty really takes the cake: I mean, who in their right mind wouldn’t want to spruce up their ride with a nice pair of human-like eyelashes?

Besides the originals that are described as giving cars a distinctive and “personalized feminine touch,” Car Lashes also offers other goodies such as crystal eyeliners and the patent-pending diamond crystals accents that can be used to add “fun geometric shapes to the car’s body.”

And in the ultra-competitive car culture of South Florida, in which anything less than a TV in every headrest makes you look amateur hour, Car Lashes are the perfect solution … an accessory that gives your car great odds of being picked up for the night while its curbed on a street corner.

Kidding aside, the holidays are here and this is no doubt the ultimate stocking stuffer for the driver craving differentiation and sophistication. Because nothing says “I roll out in a high-end Beemer and I’ve got good taste” than xenons augmented by a pair of brand new lashes.

Mascara sold separately.

- Paulo Molina, thatsamateurhour.com

Pure Olympic Scrap

I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t pass up the opportunity to at the very least scribe a few words on what is certainly the most appalling logo in Olympic history. One that supposedly set back organizers a mere £400,000.

Not that any of the most recent Olympic logos have been stellar. It’s just that none has been as epically atrocious as this one. The company that designed it - Wolff Olins - claims that the logo had been “considered very carefully - thinking about font, colour and image.” In fact, it actually had the audacity to describe this identity as “using interesting shapes and angles” to create a “sense of energy.”

The only energy I’ve ever felt is the one that repels me from looking at this discombobulation. Apparently inspired by graffiti art, perhaps the designers were looking to inspire the youth segment or simply (or, not so simply) devise a bold, look-at-me piece. Misguided, what they and the rest of the world were left with was an unbalanced, controversial, and petition-bearing monster that bites of generic abstract art and that doesn’t work from any angle or with any color … err, colour.

Which is too bad, given that these London Olympics have been rightfully praised for its organization, safety, and spirit.

Let’s just hope that when it comes to the spirit of this design, it’s game … set … please-don’t-match.

- Paulo Molina, thatsamateurhour.com

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That’s UM-ateur Hour

Imagine you’re driving down a three-lane road in the middle of a bustling city. Chaos is all around you: Traffic lights changing, cars switching lanes, pedestrians crossing, perhaps even rain pouring down… not much time to think of anything else but the actual act of driving, right?

Right. Unless you’re the University of Miami (UM). Because if you are, you’ve got the ultimate confidence in everyone’s ability to navigate the roads. If you’re UM, you believe that residents of Miami are the best drivers in the world and that they can handle anything. “Just add more fuel to the fire” you say. Because if you’re UM, you think your fellow motorist should scan a QR code while driving.

Take a look at the photo above and give me any reasonable explanation as to why someone thought it a good idea to place a QR code on a roadside billboard. Found on a stretch of US 1 - a major artery in Miami - this sign is so ridiculous that it’s probably criminal.

No, this part of the city isn’t walk-friendly … so the QR code isn’t meant to be scanned by pedestrians. And it’s located too far away from the nearest metro stop … so it’s obviously not meant to be scanned by transit passengers. That only leaves your fellow driver as the target.

Adding to the comedy, the beauty isn’t situated on a straightaway, either. It’s positioned coming out of a curve, so that even if you managed to 1) grab your phone, 2) activate your QR code -reading app, 3) align the camera on the code, and 4) actually scan the code, you’d probably be reading the resulting info from an emergency room.

So here I am, UM, ready to ”share my story” … and it begins and ends with a little dose of amateur hour.

- Paulo Molina, thatsamateurhour.com

Is it a Phone? … Is it a Tablet? … No, it’s Ridiculous

Ah yes, I can always count on Samsung. Because just when I think I’m running out of material for this blog, the geniuses behind the shameless Smart Cases and the ever-growing laundry list of other rip-offs actually come up with something totally original … and totally amateur-hour.

Marketed as either (or neither) a “phone” or “tablet”, Samsung’s recently-unveiled Galaxy Note hybrid appears to be an attempt to satisfy the huge demand that exists for a device designed specifically for those wishing to set themselves apart from the crowd … by answering calls à la Gordon Gecko.

If you think of the Note as a smartphone, then the size of its screen - 5.3” - trumps anything on the market (compare it to the iPhone’s 3.5” screen). But if you see it as a tablet, then it’s one of the most compact on the market (compare it to Samsung’s smallest tablet, the 7.7” Tab).

Bu therein lies the primary problem with the Note. It’s a device that tries to be the best of both worlds and, predictably, falls short of being excellent in either. The screen by all accounts is too small for tablet-optimized activities - like watching a movie - and just too large to be ever be thought of by users as sleek and easy-to-carry.

It’s the classic case of “one-size-fits-none”, in which Samsung mistakenly believes the Note to be an expression of versatility and convergence, when all it really represents is an extension to a market gap that’s nonexistent. The result is a product that will undoubtedly be a curiosity … and then fade.

And before you advise me to not “knock it ‘till I try it”, know that I have indeed spent quality time with this beauty. So trust me when I tell you that making calls on this thing while walking down Ocean Drive during Spring Break gives new meaning to the phrase “Size Matters”.

- Paulo Molina, thatsamateurhour.com